Oh, hey? Come here often?  Can you buy me some nachos?  *Hair toss.* I like your skin.  If you’ve come here looking for some fire ways to secure some online dates in the Big-D, hopefully you’re flexible on the colloquial meaning of the term “fire.”  We definitely have ideas and we definitely think they bring the heat.  Will they produce results?  Relax.  You got this. Sure, Kristin hasn’t actually gone on any Match.com dates yet, but we’re still in the research and development phase of the process and you need to stop being so judgmental.  We have plenty of time before Thanksgiving to find her a side-kick who can pretend the gluten-free, non-GMO, farm-raised, vitamin-D and kelp-laced, organic apple “dessert” prepared by our dad’s girlfriend is not impressively terrible.     

Accordingly, like any good R&D project, we’ve decided to start with a list. Since the first thing you’ve got to do to get a date is talk to the other person (lame, but whatever), below is a list of our FIVE favorite greetings/opening-lines (with bonus analysis) which have had, you know, results.  Get ready to start sliding into those DMs!

**Side note:  If you slide into the @thedlistofdallas DMs looking to chat up the single sister, you will 100% get responded to by the married maven who will 100% try to engage you in a several-day long conversation about narwhals.**

The list:

Hey

Arguably the most common opening DM, we like this one because its low-investment but also establishes a level of familiarity and comfort with the person you are engaging.  Additionally, it invites the other person to respond with “hey” also. Boom, conversation is open. Then you can say “hey,” back.  Maybe they’ll say “hey” again too. This cycle can continue for days, maybe weeks, until you eventually see one another at Bottled Blonde, but neither of you wants to admit to recognizing the other. 

Sup?

Similar to “hey,” but definitely its own unique-unicorn of a greeting worth exploring.  “Sup” is both an ironically and non-ironically dated term that mostly draws confusion – a slammin emotion to inspire upon first greeting. Expect lots of “?” responses. This in turn allows you the opportunity to show-off your breadth of punctuation knowledge as well.  Send on over a few “%” or “#” or “!!!”.   This may end the conversation indefinitely, until you eventually see one another at Bottled Blonde, but neither of you wants to admit to recognizing the other. 

Hello

More formal than “hey” or “sup,” “hello” is a greeting you want to send people without visible tattoos. It implies you’re a little uncomfortable sliding into DMs which lets you flow into a whole discussion about how you’re “new to online dating” and “just seeing if this works” because “your friend signed you up.”  Yeah, you get to talk about how you’re *too cool* for online dating while you simultaneously try to pick-up an online date.  It’s existential af and we love it. This conversation will lead to someone asking for a coffee-date.  Coffee dates are lame. The conversation fizzles out and you never talk again…  until you eventually see one another at Bottled Blonde, but neither of you wants to admit to recognizing the other. 

I’m pretty sure that SOB Johnson was behind the assassination of JFK.

Also more formal that “hey” or “sup,” we like this one because it lets the other person know that you have an appreciation for both history and Netflix.  Additionally, it lets you vet-out their personality in a highly-productive manner.  For example, if they respond with “haha,” you should probably move to Dallas (if you already live here – move here again) and marry them.  If they respond with a thoughtful and engaging counterpoint about how maybe it was the CIA or the mob, plan a date to go to the Sixth Floor Museum.  Because you both are and/or claim to be *very busy,* expect this date to get continuously and indefinitely rescheduled until you eventually see one another at Bottled Blonde, but neither of you wants to admit to recognizing the other. 

You have nice skin.

The reason we love this one so much is because everyone wants to have nice skin, but everyone is also inherently afraid of meeting someone who wants to wear their skin.  Accordingly, you can’t go wrong if you’re the first one to address the skin issue.  Sending out a “nice skin” asap lets the other person know that: (a) you’re not afraid to make it rain with the fire compliments; and (b) if they’re a skin-wearer, they can’t wear your skin because, hi, maybe you’re implying you’ll wear theirs first.  Fun fact: skin-wearers don’t want to have their skin-worn. It’s unnatural.  Safety first.  Once you’ve vetted out the skin-wearers, you’ll have to keep dishing out compliments to the nice-skin people.  They love it. You love it. Everyone loves it.  You plan to grab a drink. They never show up.  They probably got their skin-worn by someone they admitted to recognizing at Bottled Blonde.       

Struggling with online dating?  Need some pro-tips?  Want your opening-lines examined more thoroughly?  Shoot us an email via our contact page with your questions/concerns and we will eventually post our advice!