What up, jack wagons? Y’all as pumped about March Madness as we are? Correct answer is oh hell yes. *Said in our best Stone-Cold Steve Austin voice, obvi.* Time to pick your brackets and get overly invested in college sports teams you know little to nothing about. We love this shit. Cheering loudly and having a socially acceptable reason to hit up a sports bar several nights a week is ten-thousand percent our jam. Sure, we haven’t watched well-over half the teams play a single game this season, but we are hopping on just about every band-wagon we can find all the same. No shame in our game. Competition brings us alive and March Madness is like a shock paddle to the heart. Bring it on.
Other pros: this the one and only time of year we participate in watercooler talk at work and we’re not half-assing it. Coworker: “Catch the game last night?” We sure as fuck did, Biff. We’ll talk to you about anyone’s free throws or sick layups until you come up with an excuse about needing to go fax that TPS report. Fax away, our friends. We’ll be in the break room cheering on Nevada.
So how do we fill out a bracket when we don’t follow really any of the teams until the very end? Easy. Step one, we throw the numbers aside and pick our favorite mascot or assumed mascot if we’re too lazy to google it. Badgers versus Ducks? Honey Badgers all the way. Volunteers versus Toothpaste? Tempted by the clean teeth, but we’re opting for the charitable folks. Orangemen versus Bears? Bears, duh. Wolfpack versus Gators? Is that even a question? Wolfpack all day everyday, babes!
So you get the idea. Close-calls are settled by attractiveness of the starters as a whole. It’s a flawless strategy and has won more bracket-challenges over the years than you’re emotionally ready to accept. Feel free to replicate our full power-packed bracket below (screen shots cuz we’re classy) in your own bracket-challenge. Also feel free to soak in all the glory that comes from setting up such a slammin bracket. This is your year. Go team.