One of the best and worst things about the internet is how easy it is to connect with people from all over the world.  For example, it’s very cool to be able to keep in touch with your college friends who have moved all over the planet.  It is not very cool to get Facbook DMs from that dude whom you were never friends with and who you blocked on your phone and email five years ago.  How the eff did he find you anyway? You thought your alias was flawless. Either way, this is the world we live in, hop on in for the ride. 

So, what does the global connectivity of the world wide web have to do with online dating?  Everything, duh.  Let’s talk about in the context of a soul we shall fondly refer to as “Chicago Chad.” 

Chicago Chad first slid into Kristin’s Match DM’s about two or three weeks ago. He immediately explained that he lived in Chicago and that, while not typically looking for anything long-distance, he came across Kristin’s profile and knew she was worth reaching out to.  Oh Chicago Chad, you’re so sweet. Really though, he was.

Chicago Chad explained that he has been living in Chicago for the last 15 years and, while fond of the city, just can’t seem to find what he’s looking for there. He got divorced three years ago and, because he has a young son, won’t leave the city anytime soon.  His solution: find a woman somewhere else and hopefully eventually bring her to Chicago.   Chicago Chad explained that he had read somewhere that Texas women were particularly kind and driven, so he decided to start scrolling Match in Dallas to see if he could find someone to connect with.  Hence, him finding Kristin’s profile.

Backing up a bit and of chief relevance here, Chicago Chad is brutally hot.  A total Baldwin. Accordingly, we felt this long-distance request was worth an initial response.  We’re shallow, this isn’t a surprise to anyone.  Also, Chicago Chad was a delight.  Charming, funny, witty, and terribly interested in everything about Kristin.  If he lived in Dallas, we’d probably be writing this blog post about which floral arrangements would be needed for the wedding. But, alas, Chicago Chad lives in Chicago.  We think?

Having watched many an episodes of Cat Fish, it was imperative the Kristin get Chicago Chad on the phone asap.  He was not opposed to this and happily scheduled a call.  Yes, he scheduled a call.  We’re still not sure what to think about this.  Nonetheless, the two spoke very briefly – he was on his way to a meeting, during this scheduled call – and that was it.  Apparently, however, that was also a life-changing moment for Chicago Chad because shortly thereafter he decided he wanted to come to Dallas to meet Kristin.  He offered to fly down the following weekend and, of course, get a hotel for himself because he didn’t want to be presumptuous. Thanks, Chicago Chad.

At this point, we had several questions and several concerns. Why would he be so quick to fly here? But then why wouldn’t he want to fly here?  Was this guy for real?  It was all very confusing and, duh, we still needed to facetime this dude because *hi* we’ve seen exactly one-million episodes of Cat Fish.

And this, our friends, is where the story ends.  Chicago Chad claimed he had a setting on his phone – a work phone – that prevented him from FaceTiming.  He offered to send ,and then did send, several photos of himself to ‘prove’ it was him.  We saw too many red flags at this moment and cut all ties with sweet sweet Chicago Chad.

Was he real? Was he a con artist? What exactly would the con have been?  We have so many questions, exactly no answers, and exactly no more contact with Chicago Chad.  In sum, we think when online dating the best/safest way to go is to only date locally.  Maybe one city over (we’ve heard of this exotic land called Fort Worth) at most.  God speed, little jack wagons. God speed.